I know the new comedy god is surrealism, but it doesn't touch my heart.

I prefer highs and lows to an even keel. Moderation is never something I've been good at.

I have a fear of poverty in old age. I have this vision of myself living in a skip and eating cat food. It's because I'm freelance, and I've never had a proper job. I don't have a pension, and my savings are dwindling. I always thought someone would just come along and look after me.

I love fashion, but I don't come from a background of loving clothes, and I remember feeling badly dressed from a young age.

I'm very jealous of my daughter's education. She's been inspired by her teachers, and nobody inspired me as a teenager.

I've just got crap hair. Although I inherited a lot of stuff from my dad, including giant knees, I didn't get his good, thick hair. I got my mother's thin, wispy, non-event hair instead.

I don't do marriage. I think it's incredibly naff. And I don't like vulgar displays of ostentation.