A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.

I know the new comedy god is surrealism, but it doesn't touch my heart.

I am best viewed from a distance.

I might be needy, competitive and desperate but it's far better than being wet.

Without fake tan I have the skin tones of a dead jellyfish.

Well, I'm not good with sliminess. I hate the thought of creatures that have slime on them or creatures that leave a slimy trail. At home, the sight of a slug can bring up my breakfast.

I've got this horrible feeling that I'm one of those people who'll always have to flog their guts out to get anywhere.