That's what college is for - getting as many bad decisions as possible out of the way before you're forced into the real world. I keep a checklist of 'em on the wall in my room.

A good relationship is like fireworks: loud, explosive, and liable to maim you if you hold on too long.

There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through... There needs to be a monster truck option.

Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.

You ought to expect better of people. It encourages you to be a better person yourself.

The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage.

The trick to writer's block is to sack up and write through it, you see.