There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through... There needs to be a monster truck option.

You ought to expect better of people. It encourages you to be a better person yourself.

Spontaneous kindness is to hipsters as high beams are to deer.

You can either hold yourself up to the unrealistic standards of others, or ignore them and concentrate on being happy with yourself as you are.

Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.

That's what college is for - getting as many bad decisions as possible out of the way before you're forced into the real world. I keep a checklist of 'em on the wall in my room.

The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage.