I'm having a nice cold pint and waiting for this to blow over.

When you've finished using a car, put the f***ing seat back, so humans can use it afterwards.

There are many rules for the elderly in the Highway Code. I have one too, and here it is: get a bloody move on.

I'm a horse of a man!

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating tw*t

Looking good in Italy is even more important than looking where you're going.