The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite

Sometimes I stagger even myself with my genius.

I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!

Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. All we know is he’s called the Stig.

I'm having a nice cold pint and waiting for this to blow over.

If the Scottish want to break away, I shall stand on Hadrian's Wall with a teary handkerchief, and say: 'Good riddance to the lot of you, and take your stupid bagpipes with you.'

Biathletes need to eat 6.000 calories a day: six thousand! That's the equivalent of 2 pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 TWIX bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!