I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying “Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.”

I'm having a nice cold pint and waiting for this to blow over.

I'd just find a story in Canada and come and do it. Combine harvester banger - actually I've done that: banger racing up in Red Deer [in Alberta, for his 1998 doc series Extreme Machines].

I love Alfa Romeos and that [Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio] was tremendous.

If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks.

Do not cruise through red lights. Because if I'm coming the other way, I will run you down, for fun.