Does anyone really imagine for a moment that my wife gives two stuffs about global warming? She certainly did not appear to be all that bothered on Thursday evening when, during the great carbon-saving switch-off, I ran round the house furiously turning on every light, hair dryer, dishwasher and toaster.

We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging.

If you're thinking of coming to America, this is what it's like: you've got your Comfort Inn, you've got your Best Western, and you've got your Red Lobster where you eat. Everybody's very fat, everybody's very stupid and everybody's very rude - it's not a holiday programme, it's the truth.

We don't know how many people are watching The Grand Tour's - it's a closely guarded secret, we don't even know - the only thing we can do is make a program that we enjoy. And then hope that we're not so unusual that other people won't share our taste.

Americans are good at herding Bison. The end.

Planet Earth thought it had £10. But it turns out we only had £2. Which means everyone must lose 80% of their wealth

Why is the forecast so bland? Why instead of 'stormy' don't they just say the sea's 'a frothing maelstrom of terror and hopelessness'?