We live in the worst country in the world. At least we do for lazy, inefficient, office-bound police, whose response to an extraordinary rise in violent crime is to order more speed cameras.

My epiglottis is full of bees!

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying “Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.”

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.