We live in the worst country in the world. At least we do for lazy, inefficient, office-bound police, whose response to an extraordinary rise in violent crime is to order more speed cameras.

I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!

If we build three million new houses by 2020, where will we grow all the stuff needed to feed the people who live in them?

I'm not only in touch with my feminine side, I'm in touch with my gay side as well.

This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying “Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.”

I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'