God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.

It was as relaxing as being tickled.

Selling through the internet seems to be a very good idea. There are a million areas that we can go to.

[on the BMW X3] If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and think you are an onion, here's your car.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying “Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.”

You have city centre pubs where men go to meet girls, not realising that all girls in city centre pubs have thighs like tug boats and morals that would surprise a zoo animal.

No, no, no. There's no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It's cheap and nasty & expensive and cheerful.