Most harm is done by people who are awake.

Marriage is like the witness protection programme: you get all new clothes, you live in the suburbs, and you're not allowed to see your friends anymore.

The need to compile lists is a personality disorder, as is the need to assert the superiority of some things over other things.

Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs.

The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents a pick up time.

Why don't people just accept that life is sad and cheer up? After all, it's not going to last for ever.

It seems a shallow observation, but... the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you?