My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her You're eleven, make your own!

The need to compile lists is a personality disorder, as is the need to assert the superiority of some things over other things.

The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents a pick up time.

Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs.

You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War.

My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her You're eleven, make your own!

The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face.