The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face.

Capitalism is a great idea in theory, but in practice it just doesn't work.

The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face.

Why don't people just accept that life is sad and cheer up? After all, it's not going to last for ever.

Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs.

You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War.

Marriage is like the witness protection programme: you get all new clothes, you live in the suburbs, and you're not allowed to see your friends anymore.