You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War.

Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs.

The need to compile lists is a personality disorder, as is the need to assert the superiority of some things over other things.

Most harm is done by people who are awake.

Why don't people just accept that life is sad and cheer up? After all, it's not going to last for ever.

Marriage is like the witness protection programme: you get all new clothes, you live in the suburbs, and you're not allowed to see your friends anymore.

If you just took everyone in the BNP and everyone who votes for them and shot them in the back of the head, there would be a brighter future for us all.