Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs.

If you just took everyone in the BNP and everyone who votes for them and shot them in the back of the head, there would be a brighter future for us all.

Most harm is done by people who are awake.

My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her You're eleven, make your own!

It seems a shallow observation, but... the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you?

The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face.

The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents a pick up time.