Capitalism is a great idea in theory, but in practice it just doesn't work.

Most harm is done by people who are awake.

Why don't people just accept that life is sad and cheer up? After all, it's not going to last for ever.

It seems a shallow observation, but... the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you?

The need to compile lists is a personality disorder, as is the need to assert the superiority of some things over other things.

All socialists have bad backs because we slouch - except when we're watching the news when we sit on the edge of our seats, shout, and wave our arms. Generally we sit hunched, arms crossed in a judgemental way, the whole of our bodies pulled into a frown.

You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War.