You might as well like yourself; just think about all the time you're gonna have to spend with you.

I never tell an audience what they can expect. I never have and I never will. I'm an entertainer for 75 years.

If I found the cure for dystrophy tomorrow, I would do a telethon in four weeks for acute pain that in this country is a bigger problem than cancer, heart, sickle cell, anemia, name it. It is - it's hitting 70 million Americans.

When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.

I get paid for what most kids get punished for.

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

Pity? You don't want to be pitied because you're a cripple in a wheelchair? Stay in your house!