I never tell an audience what they can expect. I never have and I never will. I'm an entertainer for 75 years.

For those who understand, no explaination is needed...For those who don't, none will do.

I've had great success being a total idiot.

I really am opinionated, but not for long. I have found myself coming off of what I think of something because the guy I'm talking to makes better sense than I am. I have so many points of view, I can't keep track of 'em, because I talk to too many people... I'm not so opinionated that I won't budge.

Postwar America was a very buttoned-up nation. Radio shows were run by censors, Presidents wore hats, ladies wore girdles. We came straight out of the blue - nobody was expecting anything like Martin and Lewis. A sexy guy and a monkey is how some people saw us.

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

I've had the greatest respect for my work in this country by Americans. Critics have no brains.