I've had great success being a total idiot.

Pity? You don't want to be pitied because you're a cripple in a wheelchair? Stay in your house!

From 1936 on, I have taken more falls than any other 20 comedians put together. From the time I was 21, I've taken them on everything from clay courts to cement to wood floors, coming off pianos, going out a two-story window, landing on Dean, falling into the rough. You do that and you're gonna have problems.

You may catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but you'll get them to work harder if you use a flyswatter.

I get paid for what most kids get punished for.

When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.

Make film, shoot film, run film. Do something. Make film. Shoot anything.