I tell young comics, 'Do you want this badly enough? It's there. But you have to go get it. And if you think I'm going to give you the key to the lock of that door, there is no key, there is no lock, and there is no door.'

Gambling is part of the human condition. I love it. I have the best time gambling. I've been winning fortunes, and I've been losing them.

If you're an old pro, you know how well you're doing when you're doing it, and your inner government spanks you if you're not doing well.

I have nothing against women. As a matter of fact there's something about them that I love, but I just can't put my finger on it.

If you think childlike, you'll stay young. If you keep your energy going, and do everything with a little flair, you're gunna stay young. But most people do things without energy, and they atrophy their mind as well as their body. You have to think young, you have to laugh a lot, and you have to have good feelings for everyone in the world, because if you don't, it's going to come inside, your own poison, and it's over.

I've had great success being a total idiot.

You may catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but you'll get them to work harder if you use a flyswatter.