I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.

I don't want to be remembered. I want the nice words when I can hear them.

You might as well like yourself; just think about all the time you're gonna have to spend with you.

You may catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but you'll get them to work harder if you use a flyswatter.

People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.

I think the cartoons that they're children are watching, particularly 'The Simpsons,' they're OK. I think that the adult audience is making much too much of the danger that they imply. That's not the case. The danger for children today, honey, is the news. Keep them away from news on television.

Don't you understand how dramatic it is to be a comic? To be a fool, to get people to laugh at this show-off? Milton Berle could take Laurence Olivier and stick him under the table if he wanted to. And so could I.