With kangaroos, you say 'Sit!' and they start boxing with you. They're nuts!

I'm the kind of guy who can't keep a plant alive for a week, let alone a relationship.

I don’t want to react because I don’t want them to know it’s a bad word, but I want to encourage them to talk so I’m like, ‘That’s good!’

I highly suggest marriage to all my friends who are dating.

I think of myself as a funny guy but nobody thinks I'm funnier than my daughters.

When you have little girls, you're the coolest person in the world. I know at some point that's going to end; in their adolescence I'll become the opposite of that, especially if I'm parked outside a high school party.

What dark corner of the soul did you crawl out of?