The less you know about a field, the better your odds. Dumb boldness is the best way to approach a new challenge.

Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band on the back of that mask? That was a quality item there, wasn't it? That was good for about 10 seconds before it snapped out of that cheap little staple they put it in there with.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities.