The less you know about a field, the better your odds. Dumb boldness is the best way to approach a new challenge.

I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.

What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.

All I ever wanted to do is make people laugh.

I love advertising because I love lying. I think spending your life trying to dupe innocent people out of hard-won earnings to buy useless, low-quality, misrepresented items and services is an excellent use of your energy.

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.

Well, sometimes we do actually have to get up early, but a man will always trade sleep for sex.