What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.

If someone's lying, are their pants really on fire

The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.

I was the best man at the wedding... If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?

Pay attention; don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities.

Dogs have no money. Isn't that amazing? They're broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.