Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.

I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'

When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.

People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.

I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to I could just go, "Excuse me, I'm not here right now, If you just leave a message, I can walk away."

No encounter, mouth open up ... that is how the drug businesses see the general public.

Dogs have no money. Isn't that amazing? They're broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.