The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.

I am speechless: I have no speech

I only do a show when there's somebody I want to talk to.

The whole object of comedy is to be yourself and the closer you get to that, the funnier you will be.

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.

You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.