People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.

When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.

Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?

Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.

Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.

Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.