I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.

My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.

All I ever wanted to do is make people laugh.

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important.

People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home.

If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved.

What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would a blind date last? About 13 seconds, I think. Oh, sorry, your rear end is too big. That's ok, your breath stinks anyway. See you later.