I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

The only way a show works is you find people who you think are qualified and talented and you give them a chance to do what they do.

And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.

The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life.

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?

I have a problem with that silver medal. It's like, 'Congratulation s, you almost won. Of all the losers, you're the number one loser. No one lost ahead of you.'

All magic is 'Here’s a quarter, now it’s gone. You’re a jerk. Now it’s back. You’re an idiot. Show’s over.'