Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.

What is the story with the airport sinks, that they will not give us a twist-on twist-off human faucet. "Is it that too risky for the human population? We have to do the one-handed pain-in-the-ass Alcatraz-style faucets. "What is it they think we will do? Turn 'em all on full, run out into the parking lot, laughing, pushing each other into the bushes?

Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?

When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it.

The truth is, the family is much more creatively nourishing because you're playing on a full keyboard. Whereas when you're single, you're just playing the upbeat jazzy tunes.

If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved.

Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?