Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.

I do not know why anyone would host an awards show. No matter how unbelievably well you do at it, the only thing that can happen is you get asked again to host an awards show.

Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?

If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.

You know how your charger for your phone? It's like if you had a charger for your whole body and mind

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.