Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.

Well, sometimes we do actually have to get up early, but a man will always trade sleep for sex.

After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.

Any day you had gym class was a weird school day. It started off normal. You had English, Social Studies, Geometry, then suddenly your in Lord of the Flies for 40 minutes. Your hanging from a rope, you have hardly any clothes on, teachers are yelling at you, kids are throwing dodge balls at you and snapping towels - you're trying to survive. And then it's Science,Language, and History. Now that is a weird day.

Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.