Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

I love the day date. No wine, no shower.

What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.

I feel like humor is the answer to everything. If you have a little bit of humor in the shaker and you can sprinkle that on, that's your answer.

Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.

All magic is 'Here’s a quarter, now it’s gone. You’re a jerk. Now it’s back. You’re an idiot. Show’s over.'

On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'