I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?

See, the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around but they don't know they're ugly because nobody actually tells them.

All I ever wanted to do is make people laugh.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.

Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.