I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?

All I ever wanted to do is make people laugh.

You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.

I wonder is illiterate people know the full meaning of alphabet soup?

Kids don't say, "Wait." They say, "Wait up, hey wait up!" Because when you're little, your life is up. The future is up. Everything you want is up. "Hold up. Shut up! Mum, I'll clean up. Let me stay up!" Parents, of course, are just the opposite. Everything is down. "Just calm down. Slow down. Come down here! Sit down. Put... that... down."

If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.