See, the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around but they don't know they're ugly because nobody actually tells them.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

You can be passionate about anything.

Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters.

The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life.

What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.

Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.