You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. "There's a quarter...."

The best revenge is living well.

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.

Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on 'How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?

I like to try anything... You have to do the experiments to find out what the formulas are.

I love being a dad. I just love it.