Pay attention; don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. "There's a quarter...."

What the hell, I'll just eat some trash.

I have a friend who's collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked so hard in his life as he has to keep this thing going. He's down there every week, waiting on the lines and getting interviewed and making up all these lies about looking for jobs. If they had any idea of the effort and energy that he is expending to avoid work, I'm sure they'd give him a raise.

There's nothing more fun than entertaining kids.

I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings

You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.