I have a friend who's collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked so hard in his life as he has to keep this thing going. He's down there every week, waiting on the lines and getting interviewed and making up all these lies about looking for jobs. If they had any idea of the effort and energy that he is expending to avoid work, I'm sure they'd give him a raise.

Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.

If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.

Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.

You can be passionate about anything.

I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide.

Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.