I've compiled a book from the Internet. It's a book of quotations attributed to the wrong people.

Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."

You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture.

People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.

There is nothing more rewarding than completing a goal you have set for yourself.

I'd like to do one of those jumps they do in the movies; in a car, over a bridge, in the air with a huge explosion. It would be a final moment of entertainment.

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.