Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.

The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. "This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?"

Elaine: Ugh, I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.

This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.

[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody who's ... normal ... I'm not curious, I'm not interested.

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.

Ever noticed that no matter what happens in one day, it exactly fits in the newspaper?