A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

What's the point of dating without games? How do you know if you're winning or losing?

I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?

I'll tell you one of the great activities is skateboarding. To learn to do a skateboard trick, how many times do you gotta get something wrong til you get it right? ...And you hurt yourself, and you learn to do that trick, now you got a life lesson. Every time I see those skateboard kids, I think 'those kids'll be alright.'

I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son

Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.

You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. "There's a quarter...."