A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

I wonder is illiterate people know the full meaning of alphabet soup?

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.

There is no more embarrassing thing in my life than the fact that I have actually uttered the phrase, 'I would like to order the Ginsu Knife.'

All I ever wanted to do is make people laugh.