You know I have been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately, my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. Him and his friends are probably peeing all over the city.

You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.

I think the answer is we all need a little help, and the coffee's a little help with everything — social, energy, don't know what to do next, don't know how to start my day, don't know how to get through this afternoon, don't know how to stay alert. We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.

I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'