I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

What's the deal with Ovaltine? It comes in a round container, you put it in a round glass, why don't they call it Roundtine?

Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

I won't do something unless I can get at least two or three good laughs out of it. If I can't, it's not gonna make the team.

I like to try anything... You have to do the experiments to find out what the formulas are.