I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.

You know how your charger for your phone? It's like if you had a charger for your whole body and mind

Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.

Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.

It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.

Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.