What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would a blind date last? About 13 seconds, I think. Oh, sorry, your rear end is too big. That's ok, your breath stinks anyway. See you later.
Jerry SeinfeldWhy is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
Jerry SeinfeldIntroducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
Jerry SeinfeldCremation has become the most popular form of burial in the United States... People used to want a big, thick granite stone, their names carved into with a chisel. I was here dammit! Cremation is like you're trying to cover up a crime. Burn the body. Scatter the ashes around. As far as anyone's concerned this whole thing never happened.
Jerry Seinfeld