If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.

The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.

Why is McDonalds still counting? How insecure is this company? 40 million, 80 billion million jillion killion tillion... who cares? Is anyone really impressed by that any more? Ooh, 89 billion sold? All right, I'll have one! I'm satisfied! I'd like to tell the CEO of McDonalds, "Look. We all get it, okay? You've sold a lot of hamburgers. Whatever the number is, just put up a sign, 'McDonalds: We're Doing Very Well.' We are tired of hearing about every goddamn one of them."

I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.

Some of the events in the Olympics don't make sense to me. I don't understand the connection to any reality... Like in the Winter Olympics they have that biathlon that combines cross-country skiing with shooting a gun. How many alpine snipers are into this? Ski, shoot a gun... ski, bang, bang, bang... It's like combining swimming and strangling a guy. Why don't we have that? That makes absolutely as much sense to me. Just put people in the pool at the end of each lane for the swimmers.

Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on 'How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.