If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.

They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.

Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.

You know how your charger for your phone? It's like if you had a charger for your whole body and mind

The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.

In my world, the wronger something feels, the righter it is.

It reminds me of like this pathetic friend that everybody had when they were a little kid who would let you borrow any of his stuff if you would just be his friend. That's what the library is. A government funded pathetic friend.