Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."

You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day

When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it.

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.

The only way a show works is you find people who you think are qualified and talented and you give them a chance to do what they do.

I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?