It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.

Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters.

There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.

If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?

I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.