Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat.

Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?

Elaine: Ugh, I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.

Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."

I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to I could just go, "Excuse me, I'm not here right now, If you just leave a message, I can walk away."

I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.