The best piece of advice I received before I got married was, "Be careful what you say when you're in a fight, because it could stick in someone's head." I don't think I've ever said anything I really regretted. I'm very sympathetic to women. I've really studied wife-ology, and I know you've got to figure out the feelings. Deal with the feelings.

The luge is the only Olympic event where you could have people competing in it against their will, and it would look exactly the same. Take people off the street, 'Hey, hey, hey, what is this?! I don't wanna be in the luge!' Once you put that helmet on them, 'You're in the luge, buddy!' 'aaaAAAaaaAAAaaaAAA... aaaAAAAA...' World record. Didn't even wanna do it. I'd like to see that next Olympics, the Involuntary Luge.

I love the day date. No wine, no shower.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Festivus for the Restivus!

Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it's a relic.

Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.