Having a 2 year old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for.

It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.

Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?

Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?

I admire the hell out of her. You can't have sex with someone you admire.