The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.

The only way a show works is you find people who you think are qualified and talented and you give them a chance to do what they do.

I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.

Festivus for the Restivus!

When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.

A dog will stay stupid. That's why we love them so much. The entire time we know them, they're idiots. Think of your dog. Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He has no idea how you accomplish this every day. You walk in the door; the joy of this experience overwhelms him. He looks at you, He's back. It's that guy, that same guy. He can't believe it. Everything is amazing to your dog. Another can of food? I don't believe it.

I have a problem with that silver medal. It's like, 'Congratulation s, you almost won. Of all the losers, you're the number one loser. No one lost ahead of you.'