What's the point of dating without games? How do you know if you're winning or losing?
Jerry SeinfeldMen want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Jerry SeinfeldI know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.
Jerry SeinfeldI have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide.
Jerry SeinfeldThe luge is the only Olympic event where you could have people competing in it against their will, and it would look exactly the same. Take people off the street, 'Hey, hey, hey, what is this?! I don't wanna be in the luge!' Once you put that helmet on them, 'You're in the luge, buddy!' 'aaaAAAaaaAAAaaaAAA... aaaAAAAA...' World record. Didn't even wanna do it. I'd like to see that next Olympics, the Involuntary Luge.
Jerry Seinfeld